Understanding Others

“To love is easy and therefore common – but to understand – how rare it is!” – L.M. Montgomery

“We do know that no one gets wise enough to understand the heart of another, though it is the task of our life to try.” – Louise Erdrich

“Those who understand only what can be explained, understand very little.” – Marie Von Ebner-Eschenbach

“Capable people do not understand incapacity, and clever people do not understand stupidity.” – Doris Lessing

“The heart of another is a dark forest, always, no matter how close it has been to one’s own.” – Willa Cather

Being authentic

“We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about who we pretend to be.” – Kurt Vonnegut

Fake it ’till you make it is good advice I think.  We must learn, act, and talk like the person we want to be to become that person.  

But “Fake it ’till you make it” can turn to “I’m fake and not true to myself and I have lost my way”. 

Who are you really?  Does it match with the person you pretend to be?  Is the person you pretend to be the person you still want to be?  Do you fear not being the person you pretend to be?

How to be valuable

Be useful.  Be a person that solves problems, not a person who creates them.

That comes first.

Then you will be valuable.

Ignorance

These days everyone has access to information, yet some remain ignorant.

“To be ignorant of one’s ignorance is the malady of the ignorant.” – A. Bronson Alcott

“Ignorance is not a simple lack of knowledge but an active aversion to knowledge, the refusal to know, issuing from cowardice, pride, or laziness of mind.” – Karl Popper

“Ignorance is an evil weed, which dictators may cultivate among their dupes, but which no democracy can afford among its citizens.” – William Beveridge

Purpose and Drive

Successful people have a purpose strong enough to make them do the (uncomfortable, “difficult”) things they have to do to accomplish the results they want.

Do you?

A new decision

This is happening in your life.

You did this and that happened.  

You tried it and you learned something.

You’re in charge.

What’s the next move?

No risk, no story to tell.

To accomplish anything worthwhile, to live a full, exciting life, and move towards what you are really capable of doing, you need to take some risks.

Sometimes it’s a physical risk.  But most times it’s in your head – risk of embarrassment, loss of time, loss of opportunity, or just “loss”.  But the risk of not trying and arriving at death safely with no losses under your belt will be far worse and irrevocable when you get there. 

Are you taking appropriate risks?

Everyone thinks this is cool…

Too often we chase things that other people think we should do, have, or be.  Many people become addicted with and self-identified with things that come from consensus.  Social media is a great tool to live this way.

But if you live like this, one day you will start to feel like your ladder was up against the wrong wall; that you’ve been living to make others think you were cool or successful, and ignoring what YOU think.

Happiness and fulfillment are great achievements. 

Not a hedonistic pleasure kind of happiness – but a knowing that you are being a good person, using a fair measure of your potential, acting with good character towards others, and being true to yourself while you do it.

What do you really think of you?

Being calm

“It’s difficult to be calm until you’ve lost a lot and won a lot.”

As a child we get upset about small things, and we feel a thrill winning small games.

As we grow we play different “games” and the stakes are higher.

I have lost a lot.  When a loss comes my way I can know that I have had far bigger losses than this, and I will be ok.  

When I win, while it’s fun, I know it will not really change my life, and it’s not what is most important.  When I win, I am free of it.

Because of all this, my emotions are more level than when I had experienced less.

Of course, there are many paradoxes in life, and there is certainly something to say against this. 

But what I have learned is that wins and losses are only in your mind.  And when they happen, you can more easily see it was a mental mountain, and release it.

A you one of the few?

Only a few Americans have clearly defined written goals.

Less than 1% can identify their primary objective in life.

Are you one of them?