A sense of control over your life

People that do not feel they have a sense of control over their lives, are not happy campers.

This is why communism, socialism, dictatorships, jail, and overbearing parents or spouses do not yield happiness.

If we made bad choices in the past and our options are limited because of it, our sense of control goes down along with our happiness.

Paradoxically, if we do whatever we want today, it may be nice for a little while, but our options will erode, and our sense of control will go down.

If we make good choices, work hard and smart because it is in our interest and we want to, do smart things with our money, and maintain a reputation for helping others and being kind, our sense of control will grow along with our fulfillment and contentment.

Do you feel a sense of control? 

Learn yourself, or learn from others.

One way is long, hard, and expensive.

The other way is fast, cheap, and less painful.

Which is best for you?

Find the right teachers

Who do you want to be?

What do you want to learn and then do?

Not any teacher will do.

Find the right ones – the right expertise and the right voices.

You don’t want to “pass a course” that is not relevant to who you want to be.

Search podcasts, books, video and ask your network.

Spend time finding the right teachers before you spend time learning.

If you are going to spend time studying, studying what is in your bullseye will be most effective.

Who are the best teachers for you right now?

Learn constantly and reinvent yourself

“Since we do not know how the job market will look in 2030 or 2040, already today we have no idea what to teach our kids.  Most of what they currently learn at school will probably be irrelevant by the time they are forty.  Traditionally, life has been divided into two main parts: a period of learning followed by a period of working.  Very soon this traditional model will become utterly obsolete, and the only way for humans to stay in the game will be to keep learning throughout their lives, and to reinvent themselves repeatedly.  Many, if not most, humans will be unable to do so.” -Yuval Noah Harari, Homo Deus, a Brief History of Tomorrow.

What should we teach our kids to best prepare for the future? – How to keep learning throughout their lives, and to reinvent themselves repeatedly.

Are you doing that?

The Pursuit

Keep promises to yourself

We make commitments and resolutions when we are thinking and feeling well.

Show up and do what you said you would do.

Have integrity with yourself.

When you know you can count on you, others will know they can too.

If your house was burning down, what would you grab first?

If your house was burning down, what would you grab first?

What is your answer?

This is a good question, because it makes you think about what is really valuable.

My house DID burn down.  Like…all the way down.  

My son called me and said there was a fire in the upper part of the house.  I was 23 minutes away at work.  He was 18 at the time.  

I asked him if he got the dog out.  He said yes.  I asked him if he called the fire department.  He said yes.  

He made an attempt to put the fire out but the smoke was too thick as he got up the stairs and it was too dangerous.

“Do you want me to get the cars out?” he asked.  “Is it safe?” I asked.  “Yes” he said.  He backed the cars out of the garage.  The key for one of them was upstairs, but it was a stick shift and he put it in neutral and pushed it out of the garage.

When I showed up the police and fire dept would not let me within 50 feet of the house.  I watched as we lost the entire structure to the basement floor, and everything in it, over 8 hours.

During that time, I thought about what was burning now.  Which rooms…and what was in them.  The things that I mourned the most were my journals and my family photos.  I am a collector.  I’m the one in the family who takes the pictures and prints them out and saves them.  

My journals…I wrote down everything of value that I learned over many years in hardcover journals with colored pens.  Countless hours…

The rest is just stuff.

That was 2014.  I was never attached to stuff.  I’m a jeans and polo shirt guy and jeans and t-shirts on the weekends.  I do like nice things of course.  But now I have even less attachment to stuff.  Just a car.  Just a piece of furniture.  Just stuff.  I like stuff – but stuff isn’t me, and it isn’t what is most important.

I had the clothes I was wearing and one extra shirt in my truck.  The next day, as I was standing by the smoking foundation, I got a call that my Dad was put into hospice in South Carolina.  We flew down and I slept in his room, rotating blue shirt/red shirt for a week until he left us.

People are important. Health is important. My reputation is important. Me doing what I was made to do and following my purpose is important.

It’s good to keep a proper perspective.

What is important to you?

Discomfort and Pain – the Path

Everyone wants to avoid pain, uncertainty, and hard work.  But you cannot move forward that way.  You cannot grow that way.

These things are unavoidable.  It’s the story you tell yourself that you SHOULD NOT experience pain, uncertainty and hard work that makes it hard – that causes suffering.

Being comfortable means we are avoiding pain, uncertainty, and hard work.  But all growth lies outside your comfort zone.  

How does it feel to get out of your comfort zone? Uncomfortable.

If you say to yourself that you should not be uncomfortable, you are doomed to no growth.

Most people feel pain, and they want it to go away.  So they let up, give up, or stop striving.  They retreat to their comfort zone.

Most people say “Why me?”  You are not experiencing pain because you are you; you are experiencing pain because you are human.

You need to lean into it.  Pain?  Bring it on!

Process it well mentally.  Learn the lessons.  Get better.  Move through and up.

Kids with phones

A parent is a young childs search engine.

The parent gives them the answers they want.

That ends when they get a phone.  

Then the child doesn’t need the parent nearly as much.  They will come around when they are hungry.

You are not nearly as interesting or entertaining as their phone. Your influence diminishes. You do not see them so much anymore.

They do not socialize in person as much as if they had no phone.  Their social skills wither or are not developed.

Many are less active, and many will have less muscle mass than before phones.

You can’t control what they see.  They will see the opinions of others that they may adopt over yours.

They may see bad stuff.  They may see adult stuff.  They will see conflicting stuff. 

They will see worthless nonsense designed to keep their valuable attention day and night.

They will likely turn into bigger consumers than otherwise. 

If you don’t take their phone away, they will get less sleep.

That’s the bad part.

Here’s the good part –

….

ummm….

….

Thinking here….

Oh – they will be able to learn a lot, having access to the world’s information – assuming they are searching for something useful.

They will become comfortable with technology, which is a necessary skill in today’s world.

They could dig in on their passion and find and see what the best in the world are doing, and be inspired and learn.

You can call them and they can call you.  You can see where they are.  You can text them.

Those are some big negatives and big positives.

What age should you/did you get your kids a phone?

Tell me with the orange button!

We are all self-made

In a free country, in 2026, life is your own fault.

We are all self-made.

Unhappy? Your fault.

Out of shape? Your fault.

Broke? Your fault.

Sobering, yes. But empowering at the same time.

We can change it if we resolve to.

Right?