Uncle Gordon’s hand pinch test.

In my Uncle’s scrapbook, he wrote about an older friend of his at work.  They were talking about getting older.

His friend showed him the back of his hand and said “Do this”.  Then he pinched the skin on the back of his hand.  This skin was thin, and creased up easily, and when he let it go, the crease remained for a few seconds and slowly went down.

“Now you do it” he said to my younger Uncle.  My Uncle Gordon did as instructed, and when he let go, the plump skin instantly went down, no lingering crease.

“See” his friend said.  “It will happen to you too”.

My Uncle wrote that he thought “that’s never happening to me”.  But he wrote this story when he was older, and when he knew it DID happen to him, and how silly he was to think otherwise.

Time…..it is happening to all of us.  I think the recognition of that, and our context in it, can instruct us on what we should be doing now, and to avoid surprises, disappointments and regrets.

My Uncle’s Scrapbook

Last week I received a great gift in the mail.  My aunt Kiki in Florida sent me my Uncle Gordon’s scrapbook.

My Uncle Gordon passed away some years ago after living to a good old age.  He was my Dad’s oldest brother.

I have only seen him a handful of times in my life.  He lived far away from us in tiny Wassaic New York (near Kent Connecticut), and then moved to Florida after retirement.  I think he was a genius, and I think, that he didn’t think so.

Uncle Gordon was an architectural draftsman and contruction manager for a living, and an artist – a painter for a passion hobby.  When he passed away, my Aunt gave me over half of his 110 paintings.  Most of them are “cowboys and indians” scenes and painting of the old west.  There is one civil war scene that, like many others, really evokes emotion and thought.  My Aunt said he would retreat into a flow state for long periods deep into a project, and come out with an amazing piece of work.  He was a master.

Well, here comes this scrapbook/journal in the mail.  My Aunt Kiki said it was the essence of Gordon, and she just couldn’t part with it before.  I eagerly dove in each night, exploring my Uncle’s thoughts and gifts.  There were drawings, stories, thoughts, and science.  He wrote about World War II, Hitler, the names of each man in the photo at Iwo Jima, photosynthesis, how man is destroying the earth, walks in the woods with his dogs, drew sketches of modern homes and enclosed motorcycles, and how he despised the developers he worked for, for their lack of regard for the environment.  

He drew sketches of people that showed their whole life on their faces.  He wrote about the sinking of the Bismarck, 9/11, and his softball games, which he played as a senior late into his years.  He hit a home run at age 77!  It was a look into the man who had painted all the paintings I received some years earlier.  I think my uncle was very humble, and I think his skills were greater than he thought they were.  

I cherish his work and am honored to be its keeper until I pass it on to the next Janesky one day.

There are so many people out there, playing their hand and being an important part of the tapestry of humanity.  

Well done Uncle Gordon.  Rest in peace.

What makes life meaningful?

For many, the first half of life is about identifying who we are, and accumulating resources.

For most, there is a time when those ideas fade, and a new pursuit emerges – meaning.

When we are young, we think we will live forever.  When we come to really understand that is not true, we start to think differently.

We start to shift our focus on doing things that make life worthwhile – other people, causes we believe in, and simple, beautiful things fully experienced.

What makes life worthwhile for you right now?

No Mud, No Lotus

There’s a great book called “No Mud, No Lotus” by Thich Nhat Hanh.  It is a gentle but profound guide showing that suffering and happiness are intertwined.  The hard stuff – the mud – is where we grow stronger, kinder and more awake.

One idea that is very important is, “Don’t launch the second arrow”.  We suffer first from what happens – and then from our judging, resisting, or refusing of that pain.  Let go of the extra suffering.

So, something happens that is not good.  It hurts.  Well, don’t then replay it over and over in your mind, saying it is not fair, resisting it instead of accepting it, and creating a victim narrative.  That’s the second arrow you should not launch.

I recall Brian Tracy saying, “Never get upset about something that is in the past.”  It’s the same thing.

Observe, learn, and move forward.  Don’t beat yourself with it over and over again.

Are you still suffering from “second arrows” you have launched on yourself?

We should all be grateful for this…

Happy Thanksgiving!  

This is a time to reflect on what we are grateful for.  In counting our blessings though, we often forget a whole host of things that we should be grateful for – what DIDN’T happen.

I woke up this morning.  That’s a good thing.  I didn’t die last night.

Look at all the accidents that were prevented by people doing the right thing.

How about all the health problems you don’t have?

No bombs were dropped on your town last night.  Your company didn’t go out of business (I don’t think…)

A violent criminal didn’t break into your house this year.

We could go on and on.  We have many blessings.  Chief among them are the things that did not happen to us.

This Thanksgiving I am grateful for many things.  My wife Marie is first.  My kids.  And all the people I know.  I have many friends, and that is a true joy.  I love to get together with bunches of them and have fun.  I think collecting friends is the true measure of success and the ultimate thing to collect!

You’re the casting director of your story

You get to say who is part of your story and how much.

Keep quality people around you. 

Stay around people who are a plus sign, and get away from people who are a minus sign.

You own the film rights

You own the publishing rights and the film rights to your autobiography.

It is an amazing and unprecedented time to be alive, with such choice and freedom.  And we don’t have the big problems, and have to spend every waking minute just trying to survive like our ancestors did.

Your life is yours.  Wow!

What happens next?

Grit and perseverance

If you line up with a bunch of people in a race or trek or journey, and many of the others decide not to start, and some others quit 1/3 the way in, and others quit 1/2 way there, and others decide to quit to go run a different race without finishing this one, you will win.

You weren’t the fastest, or the smartest – you just didn’t quit.

You kept going – farther, and getting better, and learning more about the journey you were on.

In a short-attention span world, grit is more important than ever.

Wisdom is knowledge of things that don’t change

We all think we know a lot. Some things we swear are true.

When I look back I see that there are things I thought were true that I believed in, but they changed.  They didn’t stand the test of time.  They conflicted with things that were more important than I just wasn’t concerned about at the time.

I hold onto my convictions looser today, looking out for the things that never change to eclipse them.

If you need a change, change your habits

Your life is what your habits have produced.

Your schedule, where you go, who you hang out with, what you eat and drink, what you watch/listen to/and read.

Stop doing what has produced the result you want to change, and start doing what takes you closer/produces the result you want instead.

Habits dear friend.   Habits.