How do YOU size people up?

Yesterday we talked about how we determine if we like someone quickly.  How do we do that?

#1 – We look at them.  Everything about them sends a message.  We can tell a lot about someone by how they dress and groom.  We can tell what kind of background they have, what they value, how much they care about themselves, and much more.  Will we be wrong sometimes?  Yes, but we are right most times.

People have a choice as to how they present themselves to the world.  They choose, and who are we to argue?

#2 – We listen to them.  When people open their mouth and talk we can tell a lot about where they are from, how much respect they have, what their intentions are, how educated they are, and how friendly they are.  The voice tells us a lot.

Am I right?

So this is what you can do to improve what others think of YOU.  Know that everything about how you look sends a signal to others about who you are.  If you want them to think differently about you, you can change how you are presenting yourself to them.  

You can also change your voice.  This is more difficult because it’s hard to pretend.  Your voice is the window to your soul.  But by taking care of yourself and getting your life together, being proud of yourself, having integrity, and getting clear on your intention to do good by yourself and others, your voice will change – and people will perceive it. 

In the meantime, fake it if you have to.  Be kind, positive, and helpful.

If people get positive first impressions about you, they treat you differently – in a way you will like; and it’s often a spiral up from there.

When people size you up quickly, what do they think about you?

How long does it take for you to determine if you like someone?

When you neet someone how long does it take for you to size them up?

Studies show it takes about 7 seconds for you to determine –

1) Education level

2) Economic Level

3) Perceived credibility, believability, competence and honesty.

4) Level of sophistication.

5) Trustworthiness

6) Level of Success

7) Social and professional desirability

8) and much more such as political and religious background.

Wow!  That’s a lot in 7 seconds!  Sure you could be wrong about some things.  And sure, we’ve all heard the saying “Never judge a book by its cover”.  But the cover is right more often than not so we keep doing it.  We have to make quick decisions about people – for time, for the safety of ourselves and our family, and to get what we want.

Don’t you size people up pretty quickly?

The Paradox of Choice

When we have no choices we feel we have no control, no autonomy, we may feel the one giving us the sole choice is a tyrant, and we are demotivated.

When we have too many choices we get decision fatigue, overload, and find it hard to make a choice.

Do you feel you have too few or no choices in some areas of your life?

(If so, remember, there is always a choice – you just have to be courageous enough to take it)

Do you feel there are too many choices in some areas?

(If so, narrow down the field, make faster decisions, and move on!)

A brave question to ask

Go to someone who has had lots of life experience, has their stuff together, is successful and knows you well.

Ask “I want you to tell me honestly what I can do better with my thoughts, actions, and character so I can be a better more able and productive person and show up better for other people.”

Most people shun genuine feedback.  Most people don’t want to hear it.

Ask and listen and don’t defend yourself.  We are programmed for pain avoidance.  When it hurts your ego, you may be making some real progress and change the direction of a few things because you want to avoid that pain again.

Are you brave enough to ask a few people this question?

Learning from the past

Making mistakes is ok – good even.  That’s how you learn.

But making the same mistakes over and over is not ok.

Look back at your past mistakes – not to beat yourself up over them, but to learn from them and get better.

Use your mistakes to get better.

Learning is uncomfortable

We are comfortable with things we already (think we) know.  

When we learn something new, we don’t know it yet.  We aren’t good at it yet.  It’s foreign.  We struggle and it’s uncomfortable.

Many adults give up.  Kids would too if we didn’t make them go to school.

But growth lies outside our comfort zone.  If we don’t spend time doing things that don’t feel natural to us, we don’t learn and don’t grow.

The best learners are okay with being uncomfortable.

Learn hard

Working hard is great, but hard work alone will not move you ahead much.

Working hard doing something in a sub-optimal way, doing low-value work, or doing something that should not be done at all, is not very productive or valuable.

Growth is about how hard you work – at learning.

The more you know, the more value you can bring when you are working hard.

How well do you learn?

Don't confuse politeness with kindness.

Being polite is withholding criticism today. 

Being kind is being candid about how people can get better.

Being polite is not telling me I have spinach in my teeth.  Being kind is telling me.

Being polite is saying my talk was great.  Being kind is telling me where I can get better.

If you think that being honest is disloyal, you don’t understand that being honest is the highest form of loyalty.

If you are worried about hurting the relationship, just be kind and thoughtful while you are being direct and honest.

Ask for honest feedback so you can get better yourself – and listen.

We know how this is going to end.

You are going to die.

We don’t know how and we don’t know when.  But that is what is going to happen.

But take a deep breath – it hasn’t happened yet.

This is not a dress rehearsal.

This is your chance.

Nobody rises to low expectations

Nobody rises to low expectations.

Not your employees, not your friends, not your teammates, not your kids – 

and not you.

Who expects more from you?

Should you expect more and better from the people around you and from yourself?