Let’s talk.
Scenario #1 – Man meets woman, they fall in love, both work, they get married and move into household “A” and have children. Either one of them stops working to care for the children or they both continue to work and pay for daycare. Things are great.
Scenario #2 – Man meets woman, they fall in love, both work, they get married (or not) and move into household “A” and have children. Then they split up, he moves out and moves into household “B”, which he cannot afford while paying for child support and alimony back at household “A”. She likely cannot afford day care so stops working to care for the children on very little income. No fun for anybody.
They both struggle financially supporting two households (likely on one income) and have to reduce their standard of living. (Obviously a one-parent household is not ideal for the children in most cases).
What is my point? I would not give advice on divorce – I’m sure there are some people that should not be together. But this is how it turns out financially in most cases and it should be well known so (young) people can do whatever they can to avoid getting into this position in the first place.
It just seems so obvious, yet so many people today get caught in this trap. Maybe I am judging here – but how about being sure you have your life and financing under control before bringing other people into the sphere? How about having children only when you have established your ability to provide and only with someone you are reasonably sure is worthy, stable, and will “be there” for those children? Seems like a pretty basic concept – but there I go judging again.
Financial is only the tip of the iceberg, broken hearts and lives, suicide, drug and alcohol abuse, you could never express how painful it will be to someone in that situation.
Here is a song I sent a friend in this situation who had two very young daughters – and it was not enough, he wanted to walk away… https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yLr6G8Xy5uc
I hope this song encourages someone today. Who was hurt by divorce, and is still hurting.
I am going to be in the situation and not looking forward to it, but sometimes you don’t have any other choice.
How many times do you forgive if the person makes the same mistake over and over again and doesn’t even feel sorry about it?
The people who get hurt most will be the children.
A lot of people don’t think before acting. They don’t think about the repercussions of their actions. And then some are aware of them but don’t care, they want what they want right now, and everyone else is going to pay for it. It used to be lopsided and the responsibility was in one direction on women, now the pendulum has swung the other direction and it rests on men. And of course the kids pay the most as usual.
I waited a very long time to ‘settle down’. I waited until I did a lot of things I wanted to do before I got married and had a child. I think, if you can, this is a good idea. A lot of children suffer the consequences of divorce. I think waiting increases your chances of a happy marriage and/or partnership and happier future generations.
“It’s cheaper to keep her”
Blues Brothers!
Okay so I am in an abusive relationship and to avoid a “financial hardship” I will stay.
Thank you for the link, Shellie.