Zero Sum Thinking

If someone has more than you, do you have less than you had?

If someone is doing better are you doing worse?

Zero-sum thinking is the idea that there is only so much to go around, so if someone else has more, then (unfairly) you have less.

The world is not a finite pie to be divided equally among all.  Indeed, the poor of today live better than the rich of not too long ago.  So everyone is doing better all the time.

Would you rather live in a world where everyone had equal resources and your chance of doing better were zero, or live in a place where some who were doing better were the preview of coming attractions showing us it’s possible and how?

Changing others – part 2

“There is perhaps no surer mark of folly than an attempt to correct the natural infirmities of those we love.” – Henry Fielding 1707 – 1754

“Whereas I formerly believed it to be my bounden duty to call others to order, I must now admit that I need calling to order myself, and that I would do better to set my own house to rights first.” – Carl Jung

“Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself” – Cal Thomas

Trying to change others

Here are a few quotes on the subject – 

“Be not angry that you cannot make others as you wish them to be since you cannot make yourself as you wish to be.” -Thomas A. Kempis

“Changing ourselves is the most effective way to change others.” – Marvin Marshall

There's a costume for every life.

Are you dressing for the old you, or the one you want to be?

Be what you want.

If you want to attract happy people, be happy.

If you want respect, respect yourself, and people will respect you.

If you want people to treat you well, treat yourself well.

If you want loyalty, caring, and love, be loyal caring and loving.

Does it work ALL the time?  No. 

But it works most of the time, and the alternative doesn’t work at all.

Personal packaging

We look at people and try to size them up.  It’s human nature.  It will never change.  We have to.  It’s part of understanding how to get along in the world.  

We look at someone and see how they are dressed and groomed, and how they carry themselves.  

We take them at face value.  It’s pretty accurate to assume that if someone dresses for a part, then that’s who they are.  After all, nobody knows you better than you do.  If you present yourself to the world in a given way, who are we to argue that you are someone else?  So we treat you like the person you present to us.

In the movie “Catch me if you can”, based on the true story of young con man Frank Abignail, he passes himself off for an airline pilot, a doctor, and many other people simply by dressing the part.  Nobody questions him, and they take him for how he dresses.

If someone dresses shabbily, we talk to them differently than someone who dresses well.  It’s how it is. 

The world is your mirror.

How do you present yourself to the world?

Happiness is your job.

Does your happiness depend on other people changing? 

That’s a real problem; because it’s not going to happen. 

Putting happiness outside yourself is not a good idea.  “When they change.”  “When this happens.” “When I get this.”  “When I find love or respect, I’ll be happy.”

Don’t place control of your happiness in anyone else’s hands.  They aren’t thinking about you, or your happiness. 

Happiness is your job.

Your world lens

We all have a lens we see the world through.  The shape of the lens was ground through our past experiences – where we lived, our childhood, our family, the beliefs that people around us had that we picked up, and what we learned along the way.

Now, everything we see and experience passes through this lens, and is distorted by it.  Everything presented to you each day comes through your filter and is seen and understood against your preconceived understanding of the way the world is.

How can you change your lens?

Let go of your attachment to it and your resistance to anything that challenges it.  Observe without judgment.

Decide that you want to change.  You don’t have to admit anything was wrong.  That’s not an argument you have to get into.

Get some new perspectives.  Talk to true trusted friends (they may not be the ones closest to you).  Change the environment that supports your old thinking patterns.   It takes some work, because it’s easy to fall back into default thinking.  Keep working on it.

It’s worth it.  Inner changes will change the world – just like that.

Perspective in your life

It is human nature to focus on what is wrong.  We’re wired for it.  one thousand years ago, what was wrong could jump out of the darkness and kill us – and often did.

When we put what is wrong into our mental radio station on repeat, what’s wrong gets bigger and takes up more space in our mental world than it really is in the real one.

Once in a while we need some mental floss.  As we rise above our life we have to purposely ask, What is right and going good in our lives?  How important is what I am worrying about?  Am I sacrificing something large (our happiness, a job, a relationship, harmony in our life) for something small?  Where is this track I am on going?  Is it what I really want?  Does it match my values?

Being in your head all the time pondering injustices, inconveniences, and small matters is not always good for extended periods.  Use all your abilites to get a larger understanding of your life by mixing up your mental point of view. 

Zoom out and get some prespective.  

What are your true goals?

Yesterday we asked what your true values were.  

Today, we go further.

What are your true goals?

What do you really want to do while you are here?