Master your reactions

Too often, we respond quickly and with a lot of emotion to things.  We wind up making things worse.

Pause before you respond.  

If it’s serious, pause for at least one sleep.

Ask, “will my response make this better and get me closer to what I want?”

Or will your response add to your problems and build even more resistance?  

Observe your emotions, then choose your response from clarity, not impulse.

Growth isn’t passive

“Growing” personally means you increase your capabilities and the value you have to give to others.

Growing means you increase confidence and reduce fear.

Growing means you increase your ability to solve problems and make things work.

Growing means you develop more of the potential that is already inside you, waiting.

But growing doesn’t come by being passive.  It doesn’t come by doing the same things you have always done.  It doesn’t come by just using the knowledge and beliefs you have already.

Growing comes by learning new things – reading and listening and watching and attending.

Growth comes by doing things you have never done, and making space for those things by dropping some things you were doing that have less value or negative value.

Growth comes by stepping out and stepping up, where you wouldn’t have before.

Growth comes by spending time with high-quality people and going to places that are good for you and that inspire you.

Growth is something you do on purpose.  

You have to get after it.

Listen to your body, and listen to your soul.

From “The Pivot Year” by Brianna Wiest – 

When you’re tired, rest.

When you’re motivated, act.

When you’re inspired, create.

When you’re hopeful, leap.

When you’re doubtful, wait.

When you’re ready, go.

These feeling states act as portals of possibility, and when you let them slide by, you choose not to enter the parallel reality it was pulling you toward.

Listen to your body and listen to your soul.

These emotions are rarely random, but instead open and close doors at just the right time.

The Paradox of Choice – last installment

We have been talking about what living in an age of endless choices for what to do, where to work, what to buy, who to be with, etc. etc. can really fatigue us, distract us, prevent us from being present to one thing, and hurt our happiness rather than help it.

Our phones deliver “everything to everyone all the time”.  How’s that working for your mental health?

Let’s explore a few final thoughts.  

The author says every “yes” means a “no” to something else.  I talk about this in my School of Entrepreneurship.  You only have so much time in a day, and lives are made of days.  Saying yes to one thing means you are saying no to something else.  And saying yes to too much, means you enjoy nothing the way you would otherwise.  Awareness of this helps you choose with intention, not anxiety.

Simplicity enhances satisfaction.  Limit choices where possible – routines, criteria, boundaries – to reclaim focus and peace.

More choices don’t guarantee better lives, but clearer priorities do.

The Paradox of Choice part II

In the book the author talks about some people being “Maximizers and some being “Satisficers”.  

“Maximizers” chase the “best” often at the cost of happiness. They spend so much time researching and belaboring decisions. 

He goes on to say regret rises with options.  The more you compare, the more you question – and ultimately second guess your decision.

Is that you?

“Satisficers” aim for “good enough” – and usually feel better.  Is that you?

We need to live in this age of abundance without going nuts with all the options.  As far as I am concerned, just because there ARE all these options, does not mean I need to take advantage or even consider them all.  I need to move smoothly through life without mass distraction.

We’ll talk just a little more tomorrow.

“The Paradox of Choice”

I was looking at a book by Barry Schwartz called “The Paradox of Choice”.  It’s a revealing look at how abundant choices (in careers, purchases, relationships, routines) can overwhelm us, dilute satisfaction, and fuel anxiety.

Isn’t that a paradox!  Abundance is a result of capitalism and all the producers trying to outdo each other in pursuing your business.  But now, we have so many choices that they can make our life worse if we try to consider all of them.

Schwartz says that the answer isn’t more freedom – it’s smarter limitations.

We can get “freedom overload”, where more options paralyze decision-making instead of empowering it.

What do you think?  Can too many choices have you spending too much time considering them?

Let’s talk more about this tomorrow.

“6 Merit Badges”

Recently a Scout Leader asked me to write down six merit badges that mean the most to me – subjects that made a significant difference in my life.  I am an Eagle Scout.  For those that do not know, there are well over 110 merit badges a Scout can earn.  To become an Eagle Scout you need 21, but about half of them have to be the right ones – “required merit badges”.

A merit badge is just a field to learn about.  There are requirements, and things you have to study and things you have to do to get each one.  I had 56 merit badges.  I was an ambitious young feller.  But these are the six most significant subjects I put on my list.  (The descriptions are mine.)

Entrepreneurship – Creating a business, finding customers and delivering value.  Income and expenses.

Personal Management – Know how to manage your personal finances – spending, saving and investing.

Salesmanship – Whatever you have, you have to be able to sell it, and sell enough of it to meet your goals.

Inventing – Creating something new to solve problems and win customers.  I have 34 patents, so it has meant a lot to me.

Communication – Getting your point across to various audiences in various ways.

Energy – One of my businesses is “Dr. Energy Saver”.  We make homes more comfortable and energy efficient.

Those were my top six.  What subjects have been important in your life?  What do you need to know more about and do better at?

Avoid Lifestyle Inflation

Lifestyle inflation is when you spend more and more on how you live, and it increases at a rate as fast or faster than your income.

As an extreme example, we all know people who made a lot of money and are broke. There are famous ones like 50 Cent and Mike Tyson that show us that being broke is not just a factor of how much money you make, but also how much you spend in relation to it.

Now I get it.  When your income is low and you make a bit more, spending that bit more can make a significant difference in your life.  But if you always spend as much as you make forever, then you will always be living paycheck to paycheck.

The things we can spend money on are infinite.  Often we think something will make our life better, and it doesn’t for longer than a day, or five minutes.  Sometimes our purchases make our life worse.

There is nothing wrong with goals and wanting to do better.  Playing a better offense is a good thing.  But no matter your income, it’s easy to spend it all – or more.

If our lifestyle consumes all our pay, then when there is a hiccup in the cash flow, we are in trouble.  If we dig a hole, then it will take a long time to get out.  

You can’t outwork a bad diet

I work out to stay in shape and stay healthy.

But I have to remind myself that working out and then eating sugar, chips, fast food, bread, fried food, etc. is, well – dumb.

If I eat badly, I can never work out enough.  

But if I workout some AND eat well, I can get results and maintain them.

Self-discipline is the key.

The Big One

I think most of you know that I race long-distance races in the desert on motorcycles and in buggies (“side by sides” or “UTVs”).  There are five movies on YouTube called “Into the Dust” documenting this kind of racing and my adventures.  

The Baja 1000 is the longest point-to-point, non-stop off-road race in the world.  It happens on the Baja Peninsula in Mexico.  Well, there is this other little race….it’s called “Dakar”.  It’s a rally race.   That means you race a leg of it each day, and they keep adding your times together.  If you do not finish a “stage” that day, you are out.  Well, Dakar is 13 days and 6500 miles!

It started as “Paris to Dakar”.  Dakar is the capital city of Senegal on the west coast of Africa.  They did that for a lot of years.  Then bandits would stop racers and rob them.  So they had to move the race to South America for a handful of years – Bolivia, Peru and Argentina.  Then they moved it to Saudi Arabia where it has been for a number of years now.  It is still called “Dakar”.  

So naturally, I am doing it.  I was supposed to go last year, and I did a 5-day qualifier rally in Morocco.  I learned a lot.  The terrain is easier than in Baja, as Baja is all chewed up from years and years of racing.  But the sand dunes are very challenging and intimidating.  They can be as tall as ten story buildings, undulating, with near vertical drops and holes – and sometimes you are in them all day long.  Racers get motion sick in the dunes, and I was no exception.  I also got food poisoning or some bug from the water and was violently ill on day three.  It was not easy.

I leave Dec 30 and the race starts on Jan 3.  I have to get up each day and, with my codriver Dennis Murphy from Soouth Africa, have to race about 550 miles a day.  We will finish in the dark most days I think.  Eat, sleep fast, and get up and do it all over again.  Every day.  Day 7 is a rest day.  Day 5 we have to go out one way, camp in the desert with whatever yiou brought, and race back the next morning.

Each day there will be a highlight show on YouTube that you can watch from the previous day’s racing.  You won’t see me on the highlights I don;t think because I will not be in the top ten in my class.  I am trying to finish, and I will back it down to save the car and avoid surprises so as to finish each day.  I just need to finish each day.  The guys racing for the win will take risks and each day some of them will be out of the race.  I want to be a survivor and be there at the end.

This is my great challenge and adventure right now.  

Wish me luck – and enough good sleep.

Let’s go!

Challenge is the opportunity for greatness

You don’t become great by finishing the laundry.  Or by finishing that task – the one you have done 1000 times before.

When a challenge rises before us, one that will test our abilities, or resolve or our toughness – that is our opportunity.

Will you take it on?

Being unique and crafting yourself by what you learn.

When I read this passage, I had an insight – 

“We spend a good deal of our lives trying to convince ourselves, as well as everybody else, that we know more than we really do.  While some of us know more than others about certain things, it is the thinnest slice of all that is, or could be known.  In that sense, we are all profoundly ignorant.” – Charles Osgood

Especially today, there is so much more information than anyone could know.  So we can craft our uniqueness by what we learn – what we pay attention to, and what we don’t.  We are from somewhere, which gives us experience and perspective to start.  We can learn one thing, and we are like all others who know that one thing.  But then we learn a lot about subject number two.  That makes us more unique – after all, who knows a lot about those two particular subjects?  

I’m not talking about history and philosophy.  I’m talking about, let’s say, video and rock climbing, or guitar and salesmanship.  Wow, now we are really unique.  

Now, let’s throw in subject number three. We become experienced at traveling in Central America, or in healthy eating, or in AI, or writing ad copy, or organic farming.  So now we have three skills, and we can combine them to do things not many others are doing.  While we may not use some of our experiences and things we learned in the next thing directly, they all color how we think and what we do next and how.

While we have ignored most things in the world, we are assembling a package of skills and experiences that, when combined with our unique abilities, make us like no other.

My Uncle Gordon was an architectural draftsman and artist who loved motorcycles, dogs, history, and the natural world.

If you keep learning and growing, the older you get the more skills and experiences you can put together.  

I am a carpenter, foundation repair, sales trainer, businessman, and trainer who is an expert dirt bike rider, loves creating cool spaces, loves learning, and writing about personal development.  Paying attention to these things has shaped me, and I was able to put those things together in unique combinations the world has never seen.

You can shape yourself into someone quite unique by both what you pay attention to and what you do not pay attention to.

What are you?

Write it out.  “I am a _____________ , and ______________ , who has experience with __________ , who loves __________ and _________ etc.”

What do you say WILL happen?

“Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more important than any other one thing.” – A. Lincoln

What do you say is going to happen?

“He who is firm and resolute in will molds the world to himself.” – Goethe

Everybody wants to grow

We all want to grow.  We want to learn more, do more, and feel more able.

But fear holds us back.

A comfort zone a beautiful place, but nothing ever grows there.  

“When you get out of your comfort zone, and it works, there is nothing more satisfying.” – Kristen Wiig

Are you growing?  In what area?

What is your purpose in life?

What were you called here to do?  What difference will you make?

Mine was/is to make a difference in the home repair industry.  To improve the service, the products/results, and the jobs for homeowners and employees, and to be the steward of what I have created to make sure nothing bad happens to it.

What is yours?  Can you answer the question – what is your purpose in life?

It is NOT a contest to see whose is bigger or better.  It is a calling that fits your particular talents and mind.  One that you find hard to resist.  One that is of benefit to the world because you were here following your path.

Try writing it down now.  See how clear you are.

What are you making of yourself?

A bar of iron costs $12.00.  

Made into horseshoes, it’s worth $25.00.

Made into needles, it’s worth $4,500.00

Made into balance springs for watches, it’s worth $350,000.00

Your value is determined by what you are able to make of yourself.

What is that?

What kind of movies do you like?

I don’t watch TV at all.  I don’t watch movies a lot, or at least not as much as I used to.  But I have watched three movies in the last two weeks (it is nearly winter after all) and all three were my kind of movies. 

I am a softie, so wiping tears from my eyes is when you know I think it’s a good movie.  I love a great story.  Many great stories are good vs. evil with a love story woven in.  If I can learn something, it’s even better.  When I watch a bad movie, I feel like I wasted my time, and I want that time back.  I kinda get soured on movies and won’t watch another one for a while.

One time, I asked you all for great movies that you think I would like, and I wrote them all down.  Then I went online and found a list of “Best Picture” award winners for each year.  That’s a great list!

From this list, Marie and I recently watched “Harriet”, about Harriet Tubman.  What a movie!  

I loved the “Wicked” movies (and the play).

My friend gave me a DVD a while back called “The Sound of Freedom”.  This movie is very heavy.  It is based on a true story about child trafficking. It is not entertainment, but a documentary shining a light on this terrible thing.

Do you have any recommendations for “Moving Pictures” for me/us?  Write them in the comments! 

Do you think you can improve?

When asked if they can do better, many people make excuses and blame external circumstances.

How you think about your own ability and probability of improving has a high correlation of whether you do or not.

In approaching a challenge or a problem, do you say “I am not able to solve this”, or, “I have not solved this yet”?

What do you think about you?

Do you think you can improve?

Merry Christmas!

That’s it!

Merry Christmas!

Enjoy the time together.

Living Happily Ever After

“It’s only possible to live happily ever after on a daily basis.” – Margaret Wander Bonanno

“Ever after” is today.  That’s it.