Why is this person trying to discredit me?

Being a leader with networks of people around me, I have seen a lot.

One thing I used to struggle with is a situation when someone’s behavior doesn’t make sense.  They are not responding to you positively, seemingly for no reason. They try to discredit you.  No matter what you do, they refuse to be happy.  One day, their mouth cannot contain what they really feel, and they expose how they really feel.  As I have learned, this is a big “tell”.  When it happens with an employee, then you could conclude that they just are not happy here and send them to find happiness elsewhere.  Besides, their attitude is toxic and contagious and it is not helping the team.

But it could be another leader.  Someone who is supposed to be on your team or on your side.  It could be someone you have helped.  Maybe someone in your inner circle.  These could be people who are capable leaders and have some credibility with certain groups themselves.  They take small mistakes on your part and blow them up to demonstrate how you are incompetent, or have bad intentions, or sinister evil, or selfish motives.  They talk behind your back.  They may be passive at first.  They may seed the crowd with gossip about you and try to hide the fact that it was them. It doesn’t make sense. You are good, (not what they are painting you as) and you ask yourself what you did wrong.  

Has anyone else experienced this?

Here is what I have learned in the fullness of time.  They have an agenda, and it is different from your agenda.  You may be in their way.  These people want to leave your company and want to justify it, even though it may be hard to justify.  They may be jealous.  They may want to compete with you.  They may want to take your customers.  

That is fine.  It’s a free country.  And what I learned is that you should let these people go.  You don’t need that in your days.  Not everyone wants to be on your team.  Ok.  Cool.  Bye.  No hard feelings. 

If you are capable, have good character, are a good thinker, treat people well, and are a leader worth following (a rare commodity even), there are plenty of people who would like to be on your team.  

If you are not those things, then you need to work on that.  You need to be careful not to take all the credit and believe in your own legend.  That alone can trigger jealousy and a bad reaction from other Alphas.

I recall Lee Iacocca’s autobiography.  He was an auto industry executive who saved Chrysler from bankruptcy after he was fired from a top position at Ford.  When he was fired he asked the CEO why he was being fired. The CEO replied, “Sometimes, you just don’t like a guy”.  So there you are.  No matter how good you are, some guys aren’t going to like you.  They may like you if you worked in the warehouse, but once you are a leader, maybe you are making them look bad or something.  I have worked to be sure to be really good, and not easy to hate.  Some leaders do not have this self-awareness of how they are landing on other leaders.  Still, people are complex, and you’ll never make fans of everyone.

(Are you guilty of being the hater?  The jealous one?  The guy who just doesn’t like another guy – maybe because he is so good?  Maybe because he brags?)

Holding things together for many years takes a lot of work on yourself, and you have to understand other people and what they want.  You need other leaders, and you have to make space for their egos.  Some however, you can never make enough space for and you have to part with them.  Once identified, sooner is better than later. 

Subbing out someone who does not want to be here for someone who does is high-value work.

If they are a leader, one with years of experience, one who knows everyone, you may think you can’t live without them.  Hey – give me a break.  You can live without ANYONE.  If they are not a happy person, or will never be happy here, or with you, they gotta go. You will figure it out.  The sun will rise tomorrow, and it will be beautiful.  If you keep them around, your days will be tense and frustrating.

Once they go their merry way, you can find someone else who wants to be here.  Life is too short to do otherwise.

Unfortunately, giving people a (multi-year) try and finding out who is true for the long-term and who is not may be part of the process, especially if you are a big company and need lots of leaders as I do.  But it’s ok.  It has made me better.  

Does this make sense?