Personality Clashes

Yesterday we talked about the four personality styles –

Director – likes to be in charge and get things done.   Self-contained and direct.

Socializer – likes attention and interacting with other people.  Open and Direct.

Relater – warm and caring and puts other people first.  Open and Indirect.

Thinker – quiet and likes analyzing and researching.  Self-contained and indirect.

Which one are you?

So let’s talk about these styles rubbing up against each other in the world.  

Of course, Socializers like other socializers.  Relaters like other relaters.  Thinkers like other thinkers.  They feel very comfortable with each other, hit it off quickly, and interact easily.  They get each other.  Directors, however, like other directors, can experience power struggles with each other, trying to take charge.

Let’s look at how different personality styles view each other when they meet or interact – 

Director meets Socializer – At least they are both Direct.  Meaning if they have something to say, they say it.  They will both call BS or say what they are thinking.  The difference is the Socializer will say all they are thinking and the Director will tell you things they think you need to know, and that’s all.  Directors are task-oriented, and if information does not relate to the task, it’s none of your business.  The Director appreciates the Socializer but wants them to be more serious, focused, and get to the point.  The Socializer likes the director but wishes they would loosen up a little and be more friendly and have some fun.

Thinker meets Relater – They are both indirect.  Neither likes conflict, so they are both amiable and comfortable with each other.  The Relater is caring and wishes the Thinker would consider the human side of the issues a bit more than just hard facts and logic.  The Thinker wishes the Relater would gather more real data and make decisions based on it.  They are both slow to make decisions, and neither uses lots of voice volume or body language, except that the Relater gives two-handed handshakes or hugs.

Socializer meets Thinker – The Socializer is open and direct – exactly opposite the self-contained and indirect Thinker.  The Socializer dominates the conversation, telling stories that the Thinker doesn’t care about, using lots of body language and inflection.  The Socializer is thinking, “Hello, is there a pulse? Let’s go!  We can just do this, that way, and have fun and move on.  Everything will be fine!”  The Thinker is not saying it, but they are thinking, “This person can’t take anything seriously, can’t focus on the facts, and is moving way too fast.”  These two just don’t jive.

Relater meets Director – The Relater is indirect and open, and the Director is the opposite – direct and self-contained.  They are not each other’s kind of people.  The Relater thinks the Director doesn’t care about people, is harsh, and wishes they would be more open and kind.  The Director thinks the Relater is wishy-washy, soft, and can’t make a decision.  They wish the Relater would focus on the task at hand, say what needs to be said, and do what needs to be done to accomplish it.

Director meets Thinker – At least they are both self-contained, giving information only when they think it is relevant to what they are trying to do.  But the Director is direct – if they have something to say, they say it.  The Thinker is indirect and waits until they fully understand the situation before they begin talking.  Neither likes small talk so they get along like that.  The Thinker is thinking the Director makes decisions too fast, and wishes they would slow down and dig into the data more.  The Director appreciates the data, but once they think they have enough they make a decision.  They want the Thinker to get the information faster and interpret it and make a clear decision based on it – right away!

Socializer meets Relater – They are both people people, but the Relater is about caring for others and the Socializer is about having fun with others.  The relater is open and indirect, and the Socializer is open and direct.  They will tell each other about their lives, but the Socializer will use more voice inflection and volume and talk about experiences, and the Relater will be more caring and tell about relationships.  The Relater thinks the Socializer is brave and lives out of their own comfort zone, albeit somewhat recklessly, and the Socializer thinks the Relater is warm, but more boring and cautious than they are.

Can you see yourself in here?  

What about you and your spouse?

Can you see how you feel one way and they feel another?

Let’s talk more about this tomorrow.