How to get along with different personality styles.

So here’s the key – match their body language and voice.  That’s it.  

No analyzing them to figure out what style they are – that takes too long and by that time you may have mismatched them and lost rapport.

Rapport is an unconcious agreement – “I like this person, they are like me.”  Yes, people like others who are like them.

Rapport is trust plus comfort.  They trust you and are comfortable with you.  Wouldn’t you want to work with someone like that?

So when you meet someone that you want to get rapport with, you match their body language.  If they are sitting up straight, you do too. If they have their arms or legs crossed, you do too.  If they are smiling, you do too.  Match their face.  

If they use their hands and arms while talking, you do too.  If their body is still while they talk, you are too.

There is an old experiment I recall where if you match someone’s body position exactly, you can tell what they are thinking.  But we don’t have to go that far.  Be authentic.  Don’t be weird or obvious about it.  Be natural.  

If you have roughly the same body language, then they change gears and sit up and start using their hands more, you follow them and do the same within 30 seconds.  

Now, before you say this is not going to work, imagine that the other person uses open body language and is upright and animated, and you are sitting back with your arms folded.  That’s a mismatch and the other person is likely to think something is wrong or you are just not their kind of person.  No rapport.  It won’t be long before they decide they do not want to work with you. Right?

Ok, here’s the second part.

Match their voice.  

There is a lot of dimensions of your voice.  Speed – how fast they talk.  Volume – how loud they talk.  Tone – it makes a big difference HOW you say things.  Inflection – do you use a lot of it to punctuate ideas or to be exciting, or not?  The words you use – if they say “I definitely want to do this”, then you could say “we can definitely do that for you” instead of “I think we can get that done”. 

Matching their voice is not something you need to think about much, you just say things like they are saying them.  

By matching their body language and voice, other people will say “hey, this person gets me, is like me, and I can work with this person.

Now it is true, that you may not feel comfortable changing your body language and voice.  But if YOU want to get rapport with them, then YOU have to be flexible.  Don’t expect them to be flexible.  This is the point.

The key to getting along with others is BEHAVIORAL FLEXIBILITY.  Some people do this naturally, and it is more difficult for others who have avoided it for a long time and whenever they can.

What personality style are you?

How flexible are you in getting along with others?