Trying to fix everyone's problems?

If we take on too many burdens to make other’s lives easier, especially when they won’t, we can easily find that we just can’t fix all the problems for everyone in the world.  We’d run out of our own time and resources and then we may need help ourselves.

“Sympathy for all would be tyranny for thee”. – Freidrich Nietzsche 

You can’t do it all yourself.  Just chose.

Do you lie to this person?

Do you keep your word with YOU?

How many times do you tell yourself you are going to do this or stop doing that – and then you don’t?

Keep your integrity with yourself.  If you have to tell others about your commitments and promises to help you keep them, go ahead.  If you have to make goal charts or make signs for yourself or give any other visual reminders or representations, go ahead.  You can make it easier on yourself to keep the promises you made when you were strong and thinking clearly.

When you keep your own commitments, you feel good about yourself and start to like yourself more – and that makes a huge difference in your life.

What promise did you make?

Give First

Give people your best – the best version of you and the best commitment to them that you have.

When you go first, they will buy/follow/cooperate/respect and feel they want to give their best to you.

How about the people you interact with today?

What can YOU do?

Don’t think about what you don’t have and about your limitations.  Think about what you can do with what you do have and go do it.  The result in and around you will be a step to the next thing you can do.  Proceeding in this way, you can live an extraordinary life no matter where you started.

This has been my story, and you can do it too. 

Trust begets trust

I met with a businessperson the other day who I had known of but hadn’t really talked to.  He was open and forthcoming with details of his large business.  I found it refreshing and before I knew it I was telling him things about my business that I wouldn’t normally tell someone new.

Many take the opposite approach and hold their cards close, whether it be about business or their life, so they don’t get hurt/taken advantage of/look imperfect.  But when talking to other human beings, the sooner we drop the illusion of perfection, the sooner we make real connections.

Trust begets trust.

Friends first

You can’t influence someone who is convinced you are his enemy.

“If you would win a man to your cause, first convince him that you are his sincere friend.” – Abraham Lincoln

Who are you trying to win over?

"This too, shall pass"

“Events are like telephone poles, streaming past the observation platform of a speeding train.  They loom large at first, then melt into the distance, becoming so tiny they finally disappear altogether.” – Erle Stanley Gardner

What event looms large in your life right now?

The Inner Game

Throughout my career I have learned, tried and done a lot of things.  I had skin in the game the whole way – and that makes a huge difference.  When I began to teach others, in small increments at first many years ago, and now almost full time, my key ideas coalesced over time.

If there is one “Larry Janesky idea” that I feel is central to living a happy self-actualized life it’s this –

From nothing, comes something.

From the inner, comes the outer.

From the invisible, comes the visible.

And there you have it.  Everything going on around us and all the results we get in our lives is a result of what is going on inside our heads.  We are not likely to win the outer game if we don’t win the inner one.  

It’s the inner game that counts.

The Courage to be Disliked

In his book “The Courage to be Disliked”, Alfred Adler says –

“It’s not your task to be liked; it’s your task to be likable and let others decide what they want to do.”

Let’s stop worrying about if others like us, and control the controllables.

What a relief!

Your growth requires courage

“You can’t test courage cautiously.” – Annie Dillard

You have to be bold sometimes, and just go for it.

Origins of the Fear of Public Speaking

I have been thinking a lot about how life for humans has changed so quickly in the last few hundred years and how we are ill-equipped for parts of it.  

Let’s explore the origins of the fear of public speaking, which most people have an abundance of.  

While there are a few causes such as the risk of being embarrassed that you don’t know what you’re talking about, I wanted to give a different viewpoint.  For most of human history we needed the direct cooperation of each other to survive. (Today we still do but through the miracle of capitalism and markets we get the cooperation at arm’s length – i.e. we don’t have to know the people who grow our food for example.)

We may have a deep onboard fear that if we speak out and are disagreed with we will be cast out of the tribe and starve.  So, literally, our life depended on this not happening.  (We may fear we will not have anyone to procreate with (since there were so few choices back then) and this is still a risk depending on the content of your speech.)

The next fact is that for most of human history it was strong man rule.  It was a violent time, far far more than today, and if you spoke out in disagreement with the strong man, he’d just kill you, or at least beat your [email protected]#.  So again, our life depended on laying low and not speaking out.

Today, in most places, these factors are gone.  It’s still never a good idea to go around pissing everyone off, but we have to recognize that our native fears (and desires and preferences) come from a different time when our mothers father’s mother’s father’s mother’s father was just trying to feed themselves and their family and survive.

So next time you get the jitters when you are about to address a group, just remember the fear is for a time gone by, that you will not be killed or beaten up or starve following your speech, and get out there and make your point.

What are you arguing about now?

What is your grievance?  

Will it matter in 20 years?

No? Then let it go.

Physical Training – What I have learned

I’m 54, and if it wasn’t for my bum knee I could say I am in the best shape of my life.  

Here’s what I have learned from others and from experience – 

Having a goal (the next race for example) gives you a reason to train.

I am moving away from eating gluten, sugar, and dairy.  Not 100% away, but much better than ever.

By prepping your own meals you have control of your diet.

Traveling is hazardous to my health (not enough sleep, eating poorly)

I workout hard, then rest a day.  The rest day is just as important as the workout day.

I read before sleeping and I get to sleep much faster than having a screen open before bed.

I don’t do what hurts me in the gym.  There are plenty of things to do without injuring myself.

I forced it for a while, but now working out is a habit.  I look forward to it most days.

You don’t need a lot of equipment to work out at home.  Push-ups, sit-ups, a few dumbells, and maybe a kettlebell and you can do a lot if you know how.  Have someone show you what and how you can do it.

Crossfit helped me learn a lot, but there are things that are risky for me at my age.  I found out which movements they are and don’t do them.  You can join and “modify” the workouts to stay safe.

Running is great to lose weight, but running shoes with big shock cushioning heels are harmful.  Learn how to run without big heel strikes while your leg is straight – it beats up your knees.  I like to run in the woods where it’s softer and more interesting, though I am not able to run right now. (You can bike, row…)

Spartan Races are challenging and fun – even if you are not a racer or much or a major athlete yet.  Start with a Spartan Sprint near you!

“Be fit to be useful”, and to feel better and live longer.

Start now.

Look for the good in every situation

Our house burned down – we get to build a new one.

The dog died – the dog isn’t suffering anymore.

I got laid off – I get to find a new and better job.

I broke my leg – I get to catch up on my reading and learning.

There is something good in every situation.  Find it.

Winners look forward

Low performing people look backward at the past most of the time. 

High performing people look forward into the future most of the time.

How about you?

Victims blame

When you blame others, it puts you in a position of a victim – and you feel that way.

Are you consistently blaming others for something?  

Accept responsibility.  Until you do, you can’t change it.  When you do, you’ll feel a sense of control.

A New World – For You

In 1800, 80% of people lived at their absolute subsistence level of poverty.  Today less than 10% do and it is continuing to drop.  There is a huge increase in wealth for everyone relative to their standard of living, compared to earlier generations.

These changes are not just a matter of having more stuff and greater comfort.  Because of economic growth, there have been radical social changes.  We live and interact with each other in ways that either were rare before or are truly novel.  One example is the role of the household.  For most of human history, it was almost impossible to live on one’s own for any sustained length of time, even for the wealthy.  Nowadays, people can do this easily, and many do.

Ordinary people today have far more effective choice and a vastly wider range of options than even their recent ancestors.  Instead of looking forward to a life as a farmer in the great majority of cases, they have a dazzling array of possibilities, even if they are relatively poor.  Many kinds of experiences are available that even kings could only imagine before. 

Much of the dark unpleasant side of life has been dramatically reduced.  For example, the chances of losing a sibling or a parent to an accident or illness before the age of 20 has sharply declined.  Human beings are now much less violent and much milder and gentler in their behavior than was the case even two centuries ago.

Your home, living conditions, family, job, leisure; today, reflect on how your life is much different than if you had lived 200 years ago.  

No pain no gain?

We’ve heard this before.  Gut it out, suck it up, pay the price.

But when you feel pain, the first thing you should consider is “am I doing it wrong?”

In most cases, yes, you are doing it wrong. 

Make adjustments so it doesn’t hurt.

Food – What are we doing to ourselves?

The longer the shelf life, the shorter your life.

Does that make sense?

Skills Precede Opportunity

When you develop a skill, people who want that skill notice and make you offers.  

Not before.

What skills are you developing?